On days like today I feel like giving up. I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm beginning to question whether I have depression. Some days I don't want to get out of bed and I would rather sit by myself and cry than do anything productive. I don't even know what I'm crying about. Sometimes I just convince myself I'm a horrible person and everyone else is beautiful and alive and I'm just here taking up space. I'm sorry.

I've come to the conclusion that I will never be a writer. I might have good ideas but I can never follow through with them. My writing always leaves something to be desired and its always as if something is lacking. A perfect example would be the story idea I developed about the curator who falls for a ghost without realizing he is a ghost and she ends up going back in time to be with him because she falls in love with him and she disappears. It was supposed to be a love story, drama, mystery, etc. I just don't understand how I can be so excited about these ideas in my head and then once I get to writing them down they seem like they're lacking. I don't know what it is or how I can fix it but I sure as hell wish I did. I applied to be in the writing program here and they wait-listed me. I'm thinking I might apply again this year but I don't have anything to send in for submission pieces. I doubt I would get in any more than I did last year but I think I might just in case. If I was a good writer I would get into programs like these. I've always wanted to write a novel that I could be proud of. Maybe someday when I have the talent and the time I can try it. For now though I'm stuck being pretty much talentless. *sigh*